I'm not sure most people care about what theoretical framework a therapist is using, but some do ask about it. Mostly, people are in pain and want it fixed as easily and quickly as possible. You don't need to know how your engine works as long as the car starts every time. But sometimes it doesn't and it's not so bad to understand a few basics about what goes on under the hood.
EFT posits that problems in relationships are...relational. They result from something awry in the interaction that is often poking something from our past. The past could be our childhood, it could be our adolescence, it could be past romantic relationships. No one gets to adulthood without some relationship baggage! As much as we might like to think the past is too far back to matter, or that we're over it, it's often closer to the surface than we realize. An EFT therapist will want to understand the attachment and relational history of each partner. If you are open to this way of thinking, then EFT will resonate with you.
EFT posits that relationships often have a person that pursues and a person that withdraws. This is called the dance of EFT. Both pursuers and withdrawers have the same goal, to preserve the relationship and connection, but they do so in very different ways. The attempts by the pursuer to engage and connect with their partner is their part of the dance. The attempts by the withdrawer to engage and connect with their partner is their part of the dance. Conflict arises when the dance breaks down, toes get stepped on and someone gets dropped mid-jump. An EFT therapist will be interested in your conflict, helping you track triggers, patterns, and seeing the underlying dance. If you're feeling frustrated to be having the same arguments all the time, and wondering if new conversations are possible, then EFT will appeal to you.
EFT posits that powerful change happens in the here and now. The past is really important to understand, but when it comes to change, new connective interactions have to happen quickly and regularly. This is where enactments come in. An EFT therapist will actively help you create new interactions in the session. For exampe, I often ask people to slow down, to look at their partner, to repeat what their partner just said, to say something differently, repeat something new they have learned. I try not to be too bossy, but there are moments that arise between people that can provide an entirely new emotional experience for them. This is the reason why people come to therapy after all.
I'm boiling down a beautifully complex theoretical framework (thanks Sue Johnson!) to a few principles but I don't need to know how my engine works, but it sure is helpful to know where to put the gas pump!
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